Saturday, May 12, 2007
Hey everybody…I haven’t been able to get online for the past 2 days…and I still can’t, but I have been going through blog withdrawals…As hopefully everyone knows Sunday is mothers day, and yet another time for people to scramble out to stores and spend every penny of their money to get a present that is “sufficient” for their mothers. I was raised to appreciate my mom every day. She was a single black woman raising her own child and her sister’s two children. She had a good job, and she did everything she could for all three of us. She never showed us that it was necessary to “buy” her love. All of my life on mother’s day she and I spent time together. I would give her a card sometimes, and sometimes I wouldn’t. She raised us to believe that gifts and possessions were not very important. That we should never feel obligated to buy any one a present. Still to this day I believe that we should only buy presents for someone if we want to. This means, if it is the middle of September and I feel like I want to get my mom something, then I will, and in May if I don’t want to then I won’t. In my mind and heart I believe that a gift means nothing to the giver or receiver if the intentions of buying the gift are out of compulsion and not of feeling. This is where the saying, it’s the thought that counts, comes from. Because it isn’t the gift, or the price, or the day that you get the gift…It’s the thought that counts. It’s the fact that you thought about someone long enough to drive to the store, search for what you believe to be the perfect present, and stand in line to pick it out.
Now this brings me to the whole inspiration for this blog, my mother in law. On a normal day, she is compassionate, understanding, and generous, but when it comes to celebratory times, she becomes the epitome of greed and tackiness…, constantly asking “what did you get me?”…“what are you going to get me?”...This has lead to her son feeling unworthy, stressed, and in a perpetual state of unhappiness. Now from a 5 year old those statements are something that would be unacceptable, but you would sit them down, and explain to them that gift-giving times are not a time for greed, but what do you do when the person in question is 50?
This has happened every birthday, and holiday that I have spent with her, and I know that it isn’t a new thing…Just that last nights events irked me beyond question.
My husband and I decided to spend the evening with his grandmother, and apparently so did a few other family members. So, as usual, the women were left alone in the kitchen to talk (read: gossip). It’s me holding my son, my husband’s aunt, his grandmother, his mom and his other aunt. We are talking about something, or someone, and my husband comes inside to go to the bathroom. He remembers that we saw some digital cameras at Wal-mart that were on sale, and that she wanted one.
Husband (H): “Hey mom, did you still want another digital camera?”
Mom in law (M): “Well, since your daddy gave you the one I wanted then yeah I want another digital camera…WHY?” (Mind you, this woman has 3 already and his dad gave us the oldest one so we could take pictures of the baby.)
H: “Well we saw them at wal-mart and they were on sale up to 70% off. I meant to call you when we saw one, but I forgot.”
M: “Oh, well, I already have one on lay-a-way.”
H: “Oh, ok…well never mind then.” *chuckles*
M: “So I’m telling you now if that’s what you got me for mother’s day I don’t want it.”
ME: *speechless* just looking at her
M: “No I’m just joking (no she wasn’t) I’ll take whatever you get me…as long as you get me something…..so what did you get me?”
H: *smiles* “I can’t tell you.”
M: “well what you need to do is come over to my house and cook me dinner, but never mind because you can’t cook.”
Now, maybe I am the only person living in this capitalistic society that sees something wrong with that…but WTH??? If that’s what we got you then you don’t want it????? Well…good thing we didn’t get it for you then huh??? I actually had to bite my tongue, if I hadn’t I probably would have been shunned. Lol. Even if we had bought her a digital camera for mother's day, who the fuck is she to just blatantly tell us she doesn’t want it??? My husband and I are not rich, and good digital cameras don’t come cheap. We are trying to buy a house and live on one freakin income…and I’ll be damned if I would have bought that ungrateful bitch a digital camera just for her to tell me 2 nights before that If that’s what we got her then she doesn’t want it. If I would have had it my way, she wouldn’t have gotten a damn thing. I can promise you that. My husband looked so embarrassed. I feel his pain. He’s doing everything he can to stay above water right now with a new wife and baby, and yet and still his mother fails to forget that she is no longer the number one person in his life. I choose not to put any more stress on him, in making him choose between his mother and me, because as a mother I know that it is unfair to me, her and him.
Now, our original plan was to go out to the store, get her a card and some flowers, and my husband and his daddy were going to BBQ while she rested, before she went to the big mothers bash. As I said before, we ARE trying to buy a house. But because of her snotty ass comments last night he FELT THE NEED to buy her something. So today, we go out and spend $50 dollars to get her some candle holders and candles. Now it wouldn’t have been so bad, except, that $50 dollars was about 3/4of the money we had for the next two weeks, and included my husband’s b-day money (which is on Wednesday and she has already told him he isn’t getting anything for his b-day), and my mothers day money. Like I said…I am not a big gift person, but we had planned to go out to dinner next weekend to celebrate his b-day and my 1st mother’s day. Now that is cancelled… my husband has no money for his b-day and most likely we are going to have to ask my mom for gas money. Oh yeah…speaking of my mom…we weren’t able to get her anything either…no card, no nothing. Step mom either. SELFISH AND GREEDY.
Ok, I just needed to vent to some normal people. Let’s all remember to honor and cherish our mothers this mother’s day, and if you are a mother…use today to reflect on your attitude and expectations as a mother...and your mothering skills. Are you being the best mother you can? Are you teaching your child good values? Are you teaching them that the feeling of personal fulfillment or are you teaching them that your happiness is all that matters? Remember, being a good mom isn’t always all about having good kids, and having a little person to worship you… It’s also about raising responsible, respective members of society. GOOD LUCK………………
Oh yeah…and happy mother’s day.
Posted by ME at 11:15 PM