Like, not in the clinical "I need medication and therapy" way or anything, but in the "I'm just really sad, and i don't know what to do to get myself out of this mood." way.
I feel like everything that I am trying to do is wrong. I try really hard to make every one around me happy and to make their lives better, but at the end of the day i feel like I am left empty. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, because I know I have a good life. We aren't rich, but we are happy, I am loved, and I am able to do things for my son that make his life better. I have so many things that other people around me could only wish for, including the ability to stay home with my son so I don't have to leave him with anyone else, but for some reason I can't just dwell on those things. I can't force myself to smile when thinking about how i am lucky.
I don't know if its pregnancy hormones, or what, but every time I sit and think about it, I just want to cry. My health, and the health of my baby may be in danger. My mood and energy, and its impact on my son are clearly visible. We are trying to buy a house, and we have the money I guess, but it just never seems like its enough. I talk to my husband about it and tell him that i will just get a job and put my son in daycare, and he tells me no, that its not in our plans, but I cant feel anything but guilt when I have to call my mom and ask her for money to make our dream come true. I have no one in my life that I can just call and cry to. Everyone is in a worse positin than i am. How am I supposed to call and talk to you about my home-buying problems, or my stay at home comcerns when you are struggling to just make ends meet. this is what I mean. I am so blessed, and so lucky, and so secure that I feel bad complaining about it, and feeling bad about that doesnt do anything for my bad mood already. Sorry I've been babbling, I just don't know what else to do but pull the blanket over my head and cry...and I like to leave that up to my two year old son.
hubby and I watched this video, and we thought it was hilarious. the background story is that the kid peeked at his presents the night before and the mom found out, she then unwrapped the game, took it out and put clothes in instead. The next morning this kid just knows he's getting an x-box...and lo and behold...lmao.
We were thinking of other things that would be hilarious in that box...since we are nerds...most of them are dumb...but i thought if you read this, then you are a nerd too...so you might get a kick outta them...
1. Yesterday's clothes...
2. a bunch of tv dinners
3. girl's socks or something else thats not even for him...like "oops, we accidentally put your name on that
4. A note from santa with an IOU:1 xbox
5. a bunch of packing peanuts
6. a christmas present from last year
7. college textbooks
This is what happens when you are pregnant, sleepy, and can't get drunk...oh the joys of motherhood....
Ok, as some of us know...I am having another baby.
Problem: My son is the typical spoiled only child
So I'm searching the internet and friends asking them all what should I do to try to get him ready for the new baby...
Solution 1: Start telling him its "his" baby. Get him excited to have a baby so that when the baby does come, he will be too excited that the baby is here to notice that he's really jealous.
---This is cool, my son took to this for like a week. He would get excited when we talked about his baby, but then every baby became his baby. He would randomly walk up to people's kids in the mall and start touching them all in the face. Now I am an over protective mom, and i couldn't blame these moms when they looked at me like "get your son, cause he's finna get kicked" cause I would have thought the same thing. So...needless to say...i have to find another solution...
Soultion 2: We got a teddy bear for my son that he can call his baby. This way, when mom is dealing with the real baby, he can deal with his baby.
---Maybe we should have waited to give it to him later, but my son is one of those kids whoo doesnt want what he has if you have something cooler, so we gave it to him right before thanksgiving. He was doing good with it, until my mom told us it was a baby doll...and my hubby got all self conscious. he started showing my son how to wrestle with the bear, and kick it across the room to seem manly...so...needless to say, that may not work, unless we get the baby a very good baby helmet...
Any other suggestions? My son is demanding, spoiled, and mine and my husband's baby. He's a momma's boy and daddy's boy..and he wants so much attention from everyone that he wont even let me and the hubby touch. lol. oh well, maybe we can just keep him in a nice 2 year old sized cage...what do you think?????
**note** the cage comment was a joke..i will never keep my son in a cage...at least not until he is a teemager and brings home his first hoochie talkin bout "mom, this is champagne. she's my girlfriend...then it will be to the cage son!!! **note**
I just stopped over at a blog I stalk often...Tanyetta's at Days Like These...now let me tell you, this woman is where i want to be...free trips to disneyland...throwing balls through holes on ellen...great mommy to a cute little boy and wife to a gorgeous husband...and mom to a daughter i would kick it with...hey, shes 21...not too young to kick it...and now....
She is holding this awesome giveaway for these two cute as he** bags...I'm sure they must have sent her three, cause Tanyetta has got to be keeping one for herself. I mean, I'm looking at these bags and thinking, i can have a new baby, and not have to carry one of those cutesy baby diaper bags around...I can surely use those pockets to hold a few binkies, wipes, and diapers. What, did you forget that I am a mom, and mom's stuff can't just be cute, it has to be functional too. Like my mom says...EVERYTHING HAS GOT TO HAVE TWO PURPOSES!! Anyway...you should stop on over to her blog to check out the bags, cause even though i could just put the pic here...you wont get the full effect until you also see that she is stuffing it full of lovely goodies.
I miss you, a lot...and it was nice hearing your voice. I know my email may have seemed weird coming when it did, but I'd been thinking about you a lot, and when i told my hubby how much i missed you, he told me that i should send you a final e-mail to say goodbye..that's what that was, but that phone call recently, screwed me up. I cant stop thinking about you, and i wish i could remember why we are where we are in the first place. Its strange that when i think of you i get about 500 different emotions, but i guess that's what history does to you. Just last night I told my friend that we weren't talking anymore, and she said "again, you two keep going back and forth," and i realized, as i tried to justify why we were mad at each other, that she was right, we go through months of not talking, and then we are back again, inseparable. i know that you will probably never read this, and you probably dont even care whats going on in my head, thats the main difference between us...i care, you never do, but i want you to know that even though we may never become what movies say we should, i do love you, i do miss you, and i do think about you...every...damn...day!!!!
I know my posts have been super spoadic...its cause im busy, but this means that all of my bloggerville followers, yeah...all one of you, have been left in the dark. Well, let me begin at the most exciting...
1. I'm expecting...no, not a christmas present...i mean really expecting. I'm pregnant...and I'm excited. My baby is due on April 24th, and we just found out on Friday that its a girl. I'm excited about that (cause what person doesnt want a little boy and a little girl...I get one of each), but after thinking about it and watching him play, I wanted a little boy for my little boy. I know it may sound weird that i want to have a baby for my baby, but, i could just see them, the brothers...!!! the boys! oh well, he will just have to make due (sp??) with his little sister.
2. We moved, no, not into our dream house, we didnt get it...(thanks dan greenburg, worst loan officer in the history of the planet...who has since gone on to IT work). But no biggie. We moved into an apartment in the city that I want to live in...out of the ghetto..and into the ...suburbs?? Oh well, i dont know. but no break-ins, no crack pipes, no loud music and negros hanging outside drinking 40's all day and night...and best of all, no bullet holes in my windows...!!!!!!!
3. I cooked my 1st thinksgiving dinner, everyione who knows me in real life, knows that the chikin dont cook (oh yeah, everyone who knows me in the real world knows that i refer to myself as "chikin" and yes, i know the correct spelling is chicken...but what self respecting woman is gonna call herself chicken..? get real and get used to it). The ham was good, the turkey wings were ok, the dressing was good (but made by my MIL...he he he) and the macaroni and cheese was just embarrassing. ha ha ha...never get a mac and cheese recipe from the net, and never add onions to it...it was nasty!!!
I think thats it for now. I'm not gonna make any promises as to my appearance, but i will tell youif i feel the need to post something, i will, and if i dont, well, then i wont. Luv you all, and peace out!!
And I thought this was kinda cute...You are supposed to bold the ones that you have done...i stole this from a blog I follow silently...written by Rashan
1. Started your own blog. 2. Slept under the stars. 3. Played in a band. 4. Visited Hawaii. 5. Watched a meteor shower. 6. Given more than you can afford to charity. 7. Been to Disneyland/world 8. Climbed a mountain--Kinda 9. Held a praying mantis 10. Sang a solo 11. Bungee jumped 12. Visited Paris 13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 14. Taught yourself an art from scratch 15. Adopted a child 16. Had food poisoning 17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty 18. Grown your own vegetables 19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France 20. Slept on an overnight train 21. Had a pillow fight 22. Hitch hiked 23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill 24. Built a snow fort 25. Held a lamb 26. Gone skinny dipping 27. Run a Marathon 28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice 29. Seen a total eclipse 30. Watched a sunrise or sunset 31. Hit a home run 32. Been on a cruise 33. Seen Niagara Falls in person 34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 35. Seen an Amish community 36. Taught yourself a new language 37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person 39. Gone rock climbing 40. Seen Michelangelo’s David 41. Sung karaoke 42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt 43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant 44. Visited Africa 45. Walked on a beach by moonlight 46. Been transported in an ambulance 47. Had your portrait painted 48. Gone deep sea fishing 49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris 51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling 52. Kissed in the rain 53. Played in the mud 54. Gone to a drive-in theater 55. Been in a movie 56. Visited the Great Wall of China 57. Started a business 58. Taken a martial arts class 59. Visited Russia 60. Served at a soup kitchen 61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies 62. Gone whale watching 63. Gotten flowers for no reason 64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma 65. Gone sky diving 66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp 67. Bounced a check 68. Flown in a helicopter 69. Saved a favorite childhood toy 70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial 71. Eaten Caviar 72. Pieced a quilt 73. Stood in Times Square 74. Toured the Everglades 75. Been fired from a job 76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London 77. Broken a bone 78. Been on a speeding motorcycle 79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person 80. Published a book 81. Visited the Vatican 82. Bought a brand new car 83. Walked in Jerusalem 84. Had your picture in the newspaper 85. Read the entire Bible 86. Visited the White House 87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 88. Had chickenpox 89. Saved someone’s life 90. Sat on a jury 91. Met someone famous 92. Joined a book club 93. Lost a loved one 94. Had a baby 95. Seen the Alamo in person 96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake 97. Been involved in a lawsuit 98. Owned a cell phone 99. Been stung by a bee
I would like to do all of these one day, but for now i've got to settle with having only done 35 out of 99...