Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Update #1,267,847,895,678
I know my posts have been super spoadic...its cause im busy, but this means that all of my bloggerville followers, yeah...all one of you, have been left in the dark. Well, let me begin at the most exciting...1. I'm expecting...no, not a christmas present...i mean really expecting. I'm pregnant...and I'm excited. My baby is due on April 24th, and we just found out on Friday that its a girl. I'm excited about that (cause what person doesnt want a little boy and a little girl...I get one of each), but after thinking about it and watching him play, I wanted a little boy for my little boy. I know it may sound weird that i want to have a baby for my baby, but, i could just see them, the brothers...!!! the boys! oh well, he will just have to make due (sp??) with his little sister.
2. We moved, no, not into our dream house, we didnt get it...(thanks dan greenburg, worst loan officer in the history of the planet...who has since gone on to IT work). But no biggie. We moved into an apartment in the city that I want to live in...out of the ghetto..and into the ...suburbs?? Oh well, i dont know. but no break-ins, no crack pipes, no loud music and negros hanging outside drinking 40's all day and night...and best of all, no bullet holes in my windows...!!!!!!!
3. I cooked my 1st thinksgiving dinner, everyione who knows me in real life, knows that the chikin dont cook (oh yeah, everyone who knows me in the real world knows that i refer to myself as "chikin" and yes, i know the correct spelling is chicken...but what self respecting woman is gonna call herself chicken..? get real and get used to it). The ham was good, the turkey wings were ok, the dressing was good (but made by my MIL...he he he) and the macaroni and cheese was just embarrassing. ha ha ha...never get a mac and cheese recipe from the net, and never add onions to it...it was nasty!!!
I think thats it for now. I'm not gonna make any promises as to my appearance, but i will tell youif i feel the need to post something, i will, and if i dont, well, then i wont. Luv you all, and peace out!!
Labels: bored, confessions, Family, future
Posted by ME at 6:57 PM
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Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Good gifts for a 2 year old for x-mas...
I was told recently by both my mom and my mom-in-law that we need to start making p's christmas list so they know what to get him. I have no idea what to get him. I am so confused. Luckily he still plays with about 75% of the toys we got him last year for Christmas...and he still gets new toys all the time...(thats what you get when you are an only child of two only children.)
I am writing because I am sure some of you mom's out there have gotten your kids toys that they hated and toys that they love. Don't you wish some one had told you that that toy was crap, or that this other one would be a lifesaver... well then you should do just that...Let me know what toys stand out in your mind...This is your time to come on out of lurking and introduce yourselves...(come on...someone be there please). I'll start...
My son got this laptop for X-mas last year and can now identify about 10-15 letters by both the letter name and the name of the object that the letter starts with (apple for A). He will play with it for hours at a time and I'll often hear him behind me repeating the sayings.."I..ih ih igloo." He can easily switch between the 4 different game modes, but some are a little too advanced for him, like moving the mouse to chase the letter...hes not all that interested in that. He loves the songs and he has learned alot from this little toy.
See, now that wasn't hard...Your turn!!!
Labels: Family, gifts, Holidays, P
Posted by ME at 8:05 PM
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Monday, September 22, 2008
Have you ever noticed
Have you ever noticed that when you live in a tourist city, you never do the things that are considered the main attractions for that city. For example, I grew up in San Diego, but I can count on my hands the number of times I went to the San Diego Zoo, the Wild Animal Park and Sea World. It's a shame, and now that I live in Atlanta, I have never visited any of the civil rights monuments, i have never been to the zoo, or any of the millions of museums that Atlanta is famous for. In an effort to resolve this, my husband and i decided to take our son to the Brand New Georgia Aquarium (and it didn't hurt that we got free tickets) :-)
Labels: Family, Husband, Mommy-hood, P, vacations
Posted by ME at 3:07 PM
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Friday, March 28, 2008
I am ashamed to even write this...
But my husband and I have been drawn into the addiction known as World Of Warcraft. I hate even having to say that, but they say that the 1st step to fixing a problem is admitting that you have a problem.
So here goes:
My name is [ME] and I am addicted to World Of Warcraft. Now maybe I can get some help.
Thanks alot [you know who you are], too bad we couldn't have played together..
Labels: 101 reasons why I love my husband, addiction, bored, confessions, Family, newsworthy
Posted by ME at 11:35 AM
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008
★My baby pooped on the potty for the 1st time★
And I wasn't here to see it. Grrrr. I have stayed at home for the past year and a half with my son because it was important to me to be there for all of his firsts. I didn't want to miss out on anything that was going on in my son's life. I saw his first tooth pop through, his first smile, the first time he sat up, stood up unassisted, crawled, his first steps, his first word, (his first curse word lol,)and every other first that we as mothers suck up like crack....but I missed his first poopy.
It makes me so sad. Any mom will understand why. This time of potty training is a high time for a child. It is his last step from babyhood to big-boy-hood. He walks, he talks, but you still have that one link. You still have to go to the baby section in Wal-Mart. He gts his toys, his clothes, his food from the children's/toddler's sections but he is still your baby. It's exciting that he's taking this step...but still slightly sad.
And its even worse when you miss it. I guess this is the pain of being a non-constant stay at home mom. I am out of the house for 10 hours a week now, and after all of this time I feel that I deserve it, but it breaks my heart.
While sitting in class last night my husband calls me
to ask if I'm on break yet, I wasn't but I figured it was important so I left class. He told me that my boy made a poo-poo and a pee-pee on the potty (excuse my language, I promise, I don't call it that in my daily life). I'm happy that daddy was here to be a part of it, and I would definitely rather it be with daddy than at some baby sitter's or daycare center. BUT I STILL WISH IT WAS ME!!!!
Have any of you mommies or daddies missed an important part of your children's lives? What was it? Did you feel like I do?
While the rational side of me understands that there are bigger things that a parent can miss, and that on the list of them, poop really isn't all that important (lol), it still breaks my heart. I'll be ok...I promise...TTYL
It makes me so sad. Any mom will understand why. This time of potty training is a high time for a child. It is his last step from babyhood to big-boy-hood. He walks, he talks, but you still have that one link. You still have to go to the baby section in Wal-Mart. He gts his toys, his clothes, his food from the children's/toddler's sections but he is still your baby. It's exciting that he's taking this step...but still slightly sad.
And its even worse when you miss it. I guess this is the pain of being a non-constant stay at home mom. I am out of the house for 10 hours a week now, and after all of this time I feel that I deserve it, but it breaks my heart.
While sitting in class last night my husband calls me
to ask if I'm on break yet, I wasn't but I figured it was important so I left class. He told me that my boy made a poo-poo and a pee-pee on the potty (excuse my language, I promise, I don't call it that in my daily life). I'm happy that daddy was here to be a part of it, and I would definitely rather it be with daddy than at some baby sitter's or daycare center. BUT I STILL WISH IT WAS ME!!!!
Have any of you mommies or daddies missed an important part of your children's lives? What was it? Did you feel like I do?
While the rational side of me understands that there are bigger things that a parent can miss, and that on the list of them, poop really isn't all that important (lol), it still breaks my heart. I'll be ok...I promise...TTYL
Labels: confessions, Family, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 7:56 AM
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Thursday, March 6, 2008
Back on my way
Wow...It has been over a month since I've even logged in to this darn thing. First I would like to apologize to my readers. I know my life already isn't exciting at all, but I suppose many of you would rather read this crap then nothing at all...
So, There is no way I could summarize everything that has happened to me in the past month, so I won't even try. I'll just give you all the top 3...
#1. I re-started school. Yep...my daddy's favorite failure has finally gotten tired of sitting at home doing nothing so I decided to go to Devry for a few semesters to get my GPA up so I can graduate from an actual college. Lol j/k!!! I am majoring in Technical Management with a concentration. in Criminal Justice. It sounds really important but really its not. It just means that they are gonna stuff business and technology classes down my throat and give me a few Criminal Justice classes to pique my interest.
#2. I have started using the Nuva Ring. Husband and I have been searching for a new birth control to use, no more babies for us any time soon hopefully!!!!
and #3. I went to my 1st Concert style thing since Jr. High. Husband, Husband's cousin, Husband's cousin's girlfriend (Sheniqua's boyfriend's brother's homeboy's cousin's girlfriend's baby daddy tole me......lol), and I went to the Steve Harvey show with Special guest Mo'Nique. As a big(ger) girl, I love her, I love the way she makes me smile. the way that in a world where everyone wants to be a size 0 (note: 0 is not a size) she is happy, healthy, beautiful and confident at whatever size she is and she encourages women to do the same.
Well, those are the biggest things. See, all of that in a month, My life is turning around, yes!!! Lets hope so. I will be back tomorrow....I promise....
Love, ME
Posted by ME at 8:11 AM
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Monday, December 17, 2007
Love me or Hate me...My Updates!!!
Well, well, well...Do you know how hard it is to start back writing an account of your life when you have missed over a month already. This is not the first time I have sat down in front of my comp with the intentions of writing it all out and bringing you into my life, but this may be the time that it actually happens. I should be cleaning. We will have guests this weekend, and the house is a mess, but sadly, thats when I do my best writing. My son is behind me playing with his toys so that should give me maybe 10 minutes. lol, its a damn shame.
So...Where do I start? I've already filled you in on my anniversary so I'll try my best to remember chronologically what has happened since then. Thanksgiving was nice. Uneventful. My son started trying to stumble around and walk. That was exciting, you wouldn't imagine the looks you get when you tell people that your son is 1 and still not walking, so sadly his father and I were trying to push him to walk. Well, as you can imagine, aside from a little stumbling and "creative falling" he didn't start that day.
We went to the baby shower of my husband's cousin and his wife, and it was nice. It was at his wife (Ashlei)'s parents' house, and OMG, it was beautiful. Definitely close to the dreams James and I have for ourselves. She was even a pretty pregnant woman. However for some reason, I think that carrying boys makes black woman half of what they usually are. It darkens their skin, spreads their noses, thickens and darkens their necks...it definitely goes away after the baby, but until then, it makes you happy to know that you aren't trying to pull a man...lol. Anyway, back to the baby shower. It was very nice, and as usual, the men were banished to another room where James, his cousins Chris and Vernoris, and my baby were hanging out. James had to keep walking around with P all day cause he wouldn't have it any other way. And guess what happened...he still wouldn't let go and walk by himself. lol. We went home that night, and while I was in the bathroom, P comes walkin in...no holding anything, no support, just walking in. I smiled and called James, and P got spooked and fell, but on November 24th, my baby took his first true steps...and he's been walking since then. I got a video for my mom, which you all know will be put on here in a few days, once I figure out how to get it done. lol
I regained confidence in men and my husband's cousins for the first time in my life. He and his girlfriend went through the same thing me and james went through here, and they came out of it. She called me crying and I didn't know how to console her other than telling her to hold on to her man. I told her that it happened to us also, and what I did to help us through it. Apparently whatever she said or did worked, and I wish them many more years of happiness.
My ber is going through something I guess. This may be the longest part, because I want to write this without offending anyone, so I may use some extra words as padding when necessary. Now let me start off by saying that I do not in any way dislike, discriminate against or otherwise "hate on" homosexuals at all. And I am of the mindset that homosexuality is ingrained. I believe that its something that you are born as, and not something that you become. I also believe that in today's society it is much cooler for women to be gay then it is for men to be gay, and that female homosexuality has become a trend that even truly straight women dabble in sometimes, and that it is fine to do that, but its even more of a reason why we are not/should not be categorized by our sexuality. Because, for example, I am merely Me...I have been with women, and I love the form and shape of a woman, but I am married to and truly in love with my husband, a man. And I do not consider myself to be bisexual, because on any day, I would take a man over a woman. And I believe that to a true bisexual it would be more like a decision between someone 5'8 or 5'9...they would need to know the person, male/female, wouldn't matter. Now you have been all up in my business for long enough, back to the Ber. So, after an entire life of straight-ness, with no attractions to women or anything, she decided that she is a lesbian. And not just any lesbian, but the butch, short hair, dominant, sex-crazed, completely opposite of her old self, lesbian. And I know that sometimes some women can change at times in their lives, and be truly happy, but I feel something in my soul that just doesn't feel right. But anyway. In the past year, I have seen Ber put her children behind her happiness. And I as a woman, mother, and someone's child, feel like that is never ok. She loves her children, I would never say that she didn't, but just that she has been making some very self-serving decisions. As I type, she is now ( I believe) still in Washington with her "chick", a married woman who is also selfishly thinking of only herself. Her happiness, her needs, and never what Amber needs, she gave her a vacation, which she wanted, but in that vacation forced her to leave her children at home with a man whom Ber herself believed would hurt her child, to the extent of getting a restraining order against him less than a year ago, just so she could have 2 weeks with her in her hometown in the home that she and her husband share. The original plan was to go for 6 months, and I begged Ber not to go. I told her that she'd be missing so much of her children's life, for some woman. I mean, I could never see myself leaving my child to go spend time with a married man, no matter what the situation was. But she is an adult, and while the rest of us were allowed to make stupid decisions in our youth, she decided to get married, and have children, and now she wants to regain that, there is nothing I can say or do to her to sway her. I love her, but for this portion of her life, I will have to love her from afar.
I found out that a friend of mine had a baby. Congrats to him and his "girlfriend." Baby Tirianna is a lucky and beautiful baby girl.
I also found out that My girl Tyra is having an itty-bitty. No word yet on what the baby is, but I wish her the best of luck. Enjoy it grl...
I have once again been told that I have lost a friend...I am so tired of begging for friends. I live a lonely life, and I assume I will have to remain this way until the day I die. It's hard for me to trust people, but once they get that trust even once, I will trust them forever, so I try really hard to hold on to friends...But I need to stop. Doing that drains me so much more than it will even help me.
Labels: Ber, confessions, Family, friends, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 9:15 AM
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Monday, November 19, 2007
Update-My anniversary
On November 17th my husband and I celebrated our official one year anniversary. Our anniversary fell on a Saturday but my Mother and Father-in-law gave us the entire weekend baby free so we decided to take full advantage of it. We decided to use the weekend not only to connect physically (**wink-wink**) but also to connect mentally, and emotionally. I have had a few couples in my life recently that have decided to call it quits for many of the same problems that we have as a couple. Youth, stress, money, children. Basically it is hard being a young parent and husband/wife. So over the weekend we talked, alot. We decided from the jump that we would be honest and upfront about everything plaguing our minds and hearts, and I honestly believe that we did just that. I learned a few things from him that I wouldnt have known otherwise, for exampe, these divorces and separations tat are coming so close to home are not only affecting me, he tells me that it worries him also. He feels like when I tell him of the problems they seem to be so minor (and sometimes they are) that he thinks that at the first sign of real trouble I will pack my stuff and go. I don't know if it is the youth talking or the length of time that we have been together (still in the honeymoon stage) but I feel like we are best friends, soulmates, and that some of the things that these other couples are breaking up over would never plague us. And that if there were any real problems that we would just talk about them together.
Now other than just talking we just spent some time togther. We went out to dinner to Applebees on Friday, got a few bottles of alcohol, and spent the rest of the night at home watching some blockbuster movies. The original plan was to go see a movie on Saturday and themovie that we both agreed upon was a fourth chapter to which we had seen all but the third, so we rented that. Saturday however we were suprised to find that the movie was sent to where ever it is that movies go when they leave the theatre. So after a breakfast at Waffle house, a trip to get some Christmas presents and a bit of lounging around, we decided to go to the movies anyway and we saw (get this) actually something I wanted to see. We saw Fred Claus and it was really really cute. Not what I thought it would be, but we ended up going to a very cute theatre that is a restaurant also so at the bad parts I just scarfed down some fries. LOL. We also found our next fancy eat out spot merely by accident. It's called Copeland's and its an upscale New Orlean's style restaurant, kind of like Pappadeaux's, but a little dressier. OMG the food was so good. Now mind you we only got an appetizer plate of buffalo wings and 2 drinks, but from just that little bit we decided that we would definitely be back. Sunday we went to get our boy, and we just spent some time together as a family. It was a very nice weekend.
Labels: 101 reasons why I love my husband, Family, Holidays, Husband
Posted by ME at 9:37 AM
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Sunday, October 28, 2007
A question
When you get married and start a family of your own, with whom do your responsibilities lie, your new husband/wife and children, or your parents? Check back next sunday for my very detailed answer...
Oh yeah, and I really wanna know what you think, leave your answers in the comments.
Labels: confessions, Family, Husband, Mommy-hood
Posted by ME at 8:52 PM
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Saturday, October 27, 2007
Dreams
As I spend every minute of my free time talking to expecting and new mothers I can't help but feel a slight bit of jealousy when these mothers, some of them as young as or even younger than me, tell me that they are in no need of information on a University because they have already graduated from college. After all, had things just went a little bit different, I would have been done by now, but instead, I decided to get into a serious relationship, put school on hold, and have my child. Decisions which I would never give up. Recently I decided that i would re-enter into school and finish getting my degree. This decision is not only for me, but for my child, and even any unborn children that we may choose to have in the future. I believe that in order to give them the best life possible I have to make myself into the woman I want to be. Before my child I wanted to be a psychologist/psychiatrist, and I believe that in order I have to fulfill my own dreams so I do not become some lowly old housewife dreaming of days gone by and trying to keep up in a college room of 20 somethings at the ripe old age of 60 (no offense to over the hill college students, its just not for me).
I also believe that if, god forbid, something happen to my husband that would put him out of work for a whie, that i as the other head of house hold needs to be able to stand up and go to work, and by getting an education at least equal to that of my husband, I am insuring that I will be able to at least keep us ina lifestyle that we have grown accustomed to. It saddens me to hear that women have no further aspirations than, "being a housewife", or that they "have no idea how much he makes or what he does with the money". I would wish no ill will on these women, but when life doesn't work out the way its suppsed to, as it often does not, what will you do? Perhaps it is my stauts as a self proclaimed "strong black woman" but i do not believe that it is anyone's job to take care of me. I want to be assured that if my husband left me tomorrow or if he died in his sleep tonight, I know where the insurance papers are, I know who to call, and that when the time is right, that i will be able to get off my ass and get a job so my son and I don't have to go beg at the Salvation Army, or live off of government checks every month. I believe that as the women that is one promise that we must make to ourselves and our children...If daddy ever wants to act stupid, mommy will be able to take care of you.
I hope I can get in school as early as possible. I want to make my dreams come true.
Labels: confessions, Family, Mommy-hood
Posted by ME at 9:09 PM
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Friday, October 19, 2007
1st haircut
Today I took my boy to get his 1st haircut. In the black community its a really big event, and it saved until after the 1st birthday. In most cultures it signifies that the chid is no longer a baby, but is growing up. I had been trying so hard to not get it done, but I figured that at almost 14 months it was about time. Here is a few pics
P and his daddy (before)
He knew what was coming (still before)
(Great) Uncle Sheldon cutting my boy's hair (during)
Momma...make him stop (almost done)
What'd you think would happen...
I'm just as flyy as I've always been (after)
So, my baby boy isnt my baby boy anymore...now hes my big boy...
Labels: Family, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 9:00 PM
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Friday, October 5, 2007
I want to be nominated...
I have just realized that if I were a celebrity, I would be a Z-lister. I feel like if I didn't have P no one in my life would still be here, or even care about me. Maybe its a disorder, maybe its just my conceitedness coming out, but for some strange reason, I want to be some one's entire universe. I want to be that girl from the loves stories, and the romance movies that has the man in her life that would do anything to make her happy. I want to be the woman in the dramas whose friends would absolutely die if she was gone, and I wanna be that girl in the comedies who is always the life of the party, and even though shes a little weird, and imperfect they all still love her and laugh at her jokes. I DO NOT want to be the girl in the scary movies who gets killed. Sadly, or luckily in some cases, life isn't a movie stage, and at some time we all have to understand that we are not the stars, not even of our own shows. So, should I just be OK with being the costar in my marriage, in my family, in my friendships, or should I do something about it. Make myself #1? How? My husband could care less about me on any daily basis, he would rather play that game than even have sex with me. My BFF Amber no longer needs my companionship and love. She has Maegan, and we rarely even talk anymore. And, now, the one person who actually needed me. For whatever reasons there were, Christopher needed me in his life. Now however, he has a new girlfriend. He doesn't need me in his life anymore. I am soooo sad. I will try to get over it, and deal with it the best I can. Hell, if i have to be a supporting actress...I'm gettin an Emmy for it.
Labels: confessions, Family, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 10:30 PM
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Sunday, September 30, 2007
My bad birthday update
Sooo...yesterday was my birthday and I am gonna assume you all want an update....Well, let me start at te beginning. I woke up at like 8:30 am to my husband running out of the house. Me and the baby hung out and relaxed all day. Husband called me to tell me that he had spent some ungodly amount of money on new tires. This money just also happened to include the money that was suppose to be used for my birthday. I was sad and I shed some tears and all, but over all I was ok. So then husband comes home at like 5 o'clock. We went out and got some taco bell, instead of going out to a restaurant like we had planned, and came home and just stayed at home for the rest of the night. I got a call from my dad that night and one from my mom also. Basically, my birthday sucked...I hope next year will be better. If husband wants to make this up to me he will do something wonderful for our 3 year (dating) anniversary. October 12th baby, don't forget.
Labels: Family, Holidays, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 9:48 AM
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Friday, September 21, 2007
a fun survey to break things up
1. Who were you with yesterday? P
2. What woke you up this morning? Husband looking for his keys
3. Where are you? at home
4. Is tomorrow going to be a good day? i would like to think so, every day I wake up is a good day
5. Did you kiss or hug anyone today? my son...sadly...
6. When was the last time you cried? a few nights ago...loneliness is a bitch
7. Ever thrown up in public? yep, when i was preggo I threw up in public all the time
8. Passed out because of alcohol? no, that's just dangerous...
9. Would you take a bullet for anyone? yep
10. Where would you like to live? No idea
11. Made out with anyone on your top friends? yep
13. What do you want to be when you grow up? I don't know anymore, i used to want to be something that made me rich and famous, but recently I have learned that there are better things in life...
14. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?wow...27, maybe 1 or 2 more kids, happy, in a career, whatever i choose to do, and in my own house
15. Who is your number one? my husband
16. Have you kissed your number one on your top friends? yep,. he is my husband
17. Who was the last person that left you a comment? Amberger
19. Do you like candy necklaces? yep
20. When was the last time you fell over or ran into something? everyday...I ran into the wall a few days ago...screw you...I was sleepy
21. Do you listen to music every day? yep
22. What was the last thing you ate? hot dogs
23. Are you a fast typer? I can be
24. About how many people have you liked? tons
25. How many have you loved? i had never experienced a real love without the other party wanting something in return until I met husband...I assume that's real love and what else I was feeling was something else...
26. What are you doing this weekend? I have no idea
27. What's Your favorite type of soda? orange...thanks a lot husband
28. Have you ever won an award? yep
29. What do you want to do right now? go back home and get a carne asada burrito
30. Are you listening to music right now? nope, but i will be in a second
31. When were you the saddest in your whole life? I have no idea, the most recent was when my grandpa died
32. What time is it? 11:17 pm
33. Do you use Ebay to buy or sell? sell
34. What makes you mad? idiots
35. Have you ever had a song written about you? ummm, i dated a few musicians, so probably
36. What song makes you cry? i don't know...
37. What song makes you happy? anything happy
38. What do you like to listen to before you go to bed? cartoons or the cooking shows on the food network
39. Do you have a job? yeah, I work at home
40. What makes you happy? making my son happy
41. What's the next CD you're going to get? I don't buy Cd's...I thief 'em (lol)
[Height:] 5'4
[Hair:] cherry-cola
[Eye Color:] brown
[Wearing right now:] wife beater and a pair of pink sweats
[What taste is in your mouth?] some fruit punch
A word to describe 2007?: exciting...
Summer 2007: short
Honestly, do you miss 2006?it was a wonderful year...
Labels: confessions, Family
Posted by ME at 10:26 AM
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Tuesday, September 4, 2007
update
Well, Well, Well.....
What's new this week...
~My baby boy is 1
~ I'm not going to be having a baby
~Probably not for a long time
Let me take a second to explain...
My son turned 1 on September 1, 2007. I was happy but damn, this means my boy is really growing up, and there's no way to stop it. I love him so much its ridiculous, and for his 1st b-day I decided to engage in a long standing tradition and buy him a gold bracelet for his b-day. He's actually doing alot better with it then I thought he would, I guess thats one sign of being a big boy huh?
I found out one day last week that my baby was no longer viable. The doctor's said that it had stopped forming at about 4-6 weeks. I think I'm ok with this, but now I have to go and have a procedure to remove the fetus since my body doesnt seem to want to expel the baby on its own, I guess its kinda strange, I don't want to let go of the thought that I could be a mommy again, and my body is holding on just as tight. It hurts to know this, but i guess I will be ok. I mean everything happens for a reason right?
This whole baby thing has led me to rethink my child plans. I really want to be able to go back to school and do that whole thing, and I was trying to think about how I could do it all and be a good mommy. I think I'm gonna get some type of a long term bc. Kinda like mirena or something like that. I love my boy, but I cant put mybody through this again, especially if I am not ready.
Other than that, I suppose life is ok. I have been really sad lately, and I guess its because f this whole baby thing and the hormones going crazy because it isnt a regular pregnancy, but I hate feeling like this, they also say that after the whole procedure this feeling may just get worse. I don't know if I can handle this. Well, I guess I'm gonna go get in the bed now. I feel crappy. I'll ttyl.
Labels: Family, Grandpa, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
