Monday, September 22, 2008
Have you ever noticed
Have you ever noticed that when you live in a tourist city, you never do the things that are considered the main attractions for that city. For example, I grew up in San Diego, but I can count on my hands the number of times I went to the San Diego Zoo, the Wild Animal Park and Sea World. It's a shame, and now that I live in Atlanta, I have never visited any of the civil rights monuments, i have never been to the zoo, or any of the millions of museums that Atlanta is famous for. In an effort to resolve this, my husband and i decided to take our son to the Brand New Georgia Aquarium (and it didn't hurt that we got free tickets) :-)
Labels: Family, Husband, Mommy-hood, P, vacations
Posted by ME at 3:07 PM
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Tuesday, March 18, 2008
- I have been in love (more than once)
- I have had a man call me merely to tell me I was beautiful
- I have had the smartest man know, tell me that I am the smartest woman he knows(lies or not I still liked it)
- I've had sweet things said to me that made me blush and tingle
- I've had someone who cares hold my hand and tell me that everything is going to be ok
- I've had a child kick me from the inside
- I've been surprised with my favorite flowers, wrapped in my favorite color ribbon, just because
- I've never had my birthday or valentine's day or an anniversary forgotten or ignored
- I have been served breakfast in bed (granted it was McDonald's breakfast, but breakfast none the less
- I have been given chocolate for no apparent reason
- I have had moments of joy, so intense, I thought my heart would burst (<----stole this from someone, but it's true)
- I've been told that i was someone's world
- I've laughed until I cried and wet my pants (<----shhhhhhhhh)
- I have danced with the man I loved while everyone else watched
- I have been kissed by a stranger
- I have woken up from a dream where the one I loved left me, only to wake up and find that he's still there
- I have been told "you are not good enough" by one, and told "you are better than good enough" by another
- I've walked into a room and heard my name screamed by a bunch of people (then been tackled by said people)
- I have been kissed in my sleep froom both of the men in my life
- I have had someone watch me sleep, and upon awakening been told every thing I did in my sleep made him smile (while also describing every I did)
- I have been made love to until i cried, and then had the tears kissed from my cheeks.
- I have been told that I was special by the one I thought was special.
- I have been designated songs on the radio
- Druing the song playing on the radio, I have had the designator knock at my door only to see my reaction.
- I have had the most handsome man I know, walk up to me, smile and kiss me for no other reason than for being alive (you know I'm talking about my son right???)
Life isn't always perfect...but when it is you should take those moments and put them away for the bad days. Treat your life like a dreamcatcher...keep the good, destroy the bad.
Labels: 101 reasons why I love my husband, bored, confessions, friends, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 6:05 AM
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Tuesday, March 11, 2008
★My baby pooped on the potty for the 1st time★
And I wasn't here to see it. Grrrr. I have stayed at home for the past year and a half with my son because it was important to me to be there for all of his firsts. I didn't want to miss out on anything that was going on in my son's life. I saw his first tooth pop through, his first smile, the first time he sat up, stood up unassisted, crawled, his first steps, his first word, (his first curse word lol,)and every other first that we as mothers suck up like crack....but I missed his first poopy.
It makes me so sad. Any mom will understand why. This time of potty training is a high time for a child. It is his last step from babyhood to big-boy-hood. He walks, he talks, but you still have that one link. You still have to go to the baby section in Wal-Mart. He gts his toys, his clothes, his food from the children's/toddler's sections but he is still your baby. It's exciting that he's taking this step...but still slightly sad.
And its even worse when you miss it. I guess this is the pain of being a non-constant stay at home mom. I am out of the house for 10 hours a week now, and after all of this time I feel that I deserve it, but it breaks my heart.
While sitting in class last night my husband calls me
to ask if I'm on break yet, I wasn't but I figured it was important so I left class. He told me that my boy made a poo-poo and a pee-pee on the potty (excuse my language, I promise, I don't call it that in my daily life). I'm happy that daddy was here to be a part of it, and I would definitely rather it be with daddy than at some baby sitter's or daycare center. BUT I STILL WISH IT WAS ME!!!!
Have any of you mommies or daddies missed an important part of your children's lives? What was it? Did you feel like I do?
While the rational side of me understands that there are bigger things that a parent can miss, and that on the list of them, poop really isn't all that important (lol), it still breaks my heart. I'll be ok...I promise...TTYL
It makes me so sad. Any mom will understand why. This time of potty training is a high time for a child. It is his last step from babyhood to big-boy-hood. He walks, he talks, but you still have that one link. You still have to go to the baby section in Wal-Mart. He gts his toys, his clothes, his food from the children's/toddler's sections but he is still your baby. It's exciting that he's taking this step...but still slightly sad.
And its even worse when you miss it. I guess this is the pain of being a non-constant stay at home mom. I am out of the house for 10 hours a week now, and after all of this time I feel that I deserve it, but it breaks my heart.
While sitting in class last night my husband calls me
to ask if I'm on break yet, I wasn't but I figured it was important so I left class. He told me that my boy made a poo-poo and a pee-pee on the potty (excuse my language, I promise, I don't call it that in my daily life). I'm happy that daddy was here to be a part of it, and I would definitely rather it be with daddy than at some baby sitter's or daycare center. BUT I STILL WISH IT WAS ME!!!!
Have any of you mommies or daddies missed an important part of your children's lives? What was it? Did you feel like I do?
While the rational side of me understands that there are bigger things that a parent can miss, and that on the list of them, poop really isn't all that important (lol), it still breaks my heart. I'll be ok...I promise...TTYL
Labels: confessions, Family, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 7:56 AM
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Monday, December 17, 2007
Love me or Hate me...My Updates!!!
Well, well, well...Do you know how hard it is to start back writing an account of your life when you have missed over a month already. This is not the first time I have sat down in front of my comp with the intentions of writing it all out and bringing you into my life, but this may be the time that it actually happens. I should be cleaning. We will have guests this weekend, and the house is a mess, but sadly, thats when I do my best writing. My son is behind me playing with his toys so that should give me maybe 10 minutes. lol, its a damn shame.
So...Where do I start? I've already filled you in on my anniversary so I'll try my best to remember chronologically what has happened since then. Thanksgiving was nice. Uneventful. My son started trying to stumble around and walk. That was exciting, you wouldn't imagine the looks you get when you tell people that your son is 1 and still not walking, so sadly his father and I were trying to push him to walk. Well, as you can imagine, aside from a little stumbling and "creative falling" he didn't start that day.
We went to the baby shower of my husband's cousin and his wife, and it was nice. It was at his wife (Ashlei)'s parents' house, and OMG, it was beautiful. Definitely close to the dreams James and I have for ourselves. She was even a pretty pregnant woman. However for some reason, I think that carrying boys makes black woman half of what they usually are. It darkens their skin, spreads their noses, thickens and darkens their necks...it definitely goes away after the baby, but until then, it makes you happy to know that you aren't trying to pull a man...lol. Anyway, back to the baby shower. It was very nice, and as usual, the men were banished to another room where James, his cousins Chris and Vernoris, and my baby were hanging out. James had to keep walking around with P all day cause he wouldn't have it any other way. And guess what happened...he still wouldn't let go and walk by himself. lol. We went home that night, and while I was in the bathroom, P comes walkin in...no holding anything, no support, just walking in. I smiled and called James, and P got spooked and fell, but on November 24th, my baby took his first true steps...and he's been walking since then. I got a video for my mom, which you all know will be put on here in a few days, once I figure out how to get it done. lol
I regained confidence in men and my husband's cousins for the first time in my life. He and his girlfriend went through the same thing me and james went through here, and they came out of it. She called me crying and I didn't know how to console her other than telling her to hold on to her man. I told her that it happened to us also, and what I did to help us through it. Apparently whatever she said or did worked, and I wish them many more years of happiness.
My ber is going through something I guess. This may be the longest part, because I want to write this without offending anyone, so I may use some extra words as padding when necessary. Now let me start off by saying that I do not in any way dislike, discriminate against or otherwise "hate on" homosexuals at all. And I am of the mindset that homosexuality is ingrained. I believe that its something that you are born as, and not something that you become. I also believe that in today's society it is much cooler for women to be gay then it is for men to be gay, and that female homosexuality has become a trend that even truly straight women dabble in sometimes, and that it is fine to do that, but its even more of a reason why we are not/should not be categorized by our sexuality. Because, for example, I am merely Me...I have been with women, and I love the form and shape of a woman, but I am married to and truly in love with my husband, a man. And I do not consider myself to be bisexual, because on any day, I would take a man over a woman. And I believe that to a true bisexual it would be more like a decision between someone 5'8 or 5'9...they would need to know the person, male/female, wouldn't matter. Now you have been all up in my business for long enough, back to the Ber. So, after an entire life of straight-ness, with no attractions to women or anything, she decided that she is a lesbian. And not just any lesbian, but the butch, short hair, dominant, sex-crazed, completely opposite of her old self, lesbian. And I know that sometimes some women can change at times in their lives, and be truly happy, but I feel something in my soul that just doesn't feel right. But anyway. In the past year, I have seen Ber put her children behind her happiness. And I as a woman, mother, and someone's child, feel like that is never ok. She loves her children, I would never say that she didn't, but just that she has been making some very self-serving decisions. As I type, she is now ( I believe) still in Washington with her "chick", a married woman who is also selfishly thinking of only herself. Her happiness, her needs, and never what Amber needs, she gave her a vacation, which she wanted, but in that vacation forced her to leave her children at home with a man whom Ber herself believed would hurt her child, to the extent of getting a restraining order against him less than a year ago, just so she could have 2 weeks with her in her hometown in the home that she and her husband share. The original plan was to go for 6 months, and I begged Ber not to go. I told her that she'd be missing so much of her children's life, for some woman. I mean, I could never see myself leaving my child to go spend time with a married man, no matter what the situation was. But she is an adult, and while the rest of us were allowed to make stupid decisions in our youth, she decided to get married, and have children, and now she wants to regain that, there is nothing I can say or do to her to sway her. I love her, but for this portion of her life, I will have to love her from afar.
I found out that a friend of mine had a baby. Congrats to him and his "girlfriend." Baby Tirianna is a lucky and beautiful baby girl.
I also found out that My girl Tyra is having an itty-bitty. No word yet on what the baby is, but I wish her the best of luck. Enjoy it grl...
I have once again been told that I have lost a friend...I am so tired of begging for friends. I live a lonely life, and I assume I will have to remain this way until the day I die. It's hard for me to trust people, but once they get that trust even once, I will trust them forever, so I try really hard to hold on to friends...But I need to stop. Doing that drains me so much more than it will even help me.
Labels: Ber, confessions, Family, friends, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 9:15 AM
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Monday, November 19, 2007
Update-My anniversary
On November 17th my husband and I celebrated our official one year anniversary. Our anniversary fell on a Saturday but my Mother and Father-in-law gave us the entire weekend baby free so we decided to take full advantage of it. We decided to use the weekend not only to connect physically (**wink-wink**) but also to connect mentally, and emotionally. I have had a few couples in my life recently that have decided to call it quits for many of the same problems that we have as a couple. Youth, stress, money, children. Basically it is hard being a young parent and husband/wife. So over the weekend we talked, alot. We decided from the jump that we would be honest and upfront about everything plaguing our minds and hearts, and I honestly believe that we did just that. I learned a few things from him that I wouldnt have known otherwise, for exampe, these divorces and separations tat are coming so close to home are not only affecting me, he tells me that it worries him also. He feels like when I tell him of the problems they seem to be so minor (and sometimes they are) that he thinks that at the first sign of real trouble I will pack my stuff and go. I don't know if it is the youth talking or the length of time that we have been together (still in the honeymoon stage) but I feel like we are best friends, soulmates, and that some of the things that these other couples are breaking up over would never plague us. And that if there were any real problems that we would just talk about them together.
Now other than just talking we just spent some time togther. We went out to dinner to Applebees on Friday, got a few bottles of alcohol, and spent the rest of the night at home watching some blockbuster movies. The original plan was to go see a movie on Saturday and themovie that we both agreed upon was a fourth chapter to which we had seen all but the third, so we rented that. Saturday however we were suprised to find that the movie was sent to where ever it is that movies go when they leave the theatre. So after a breakfast at Waffle house, a trip to get some Christmas presents and a bit of lounging around, we decided to go to the movies anyway and we saw (get this) actually something I wanted to see. We saw Fred Claus and it was really really cute. Not what I thought it would be, but we ended up going to a very cute theatre that is a restaurant also so at the bad parts I just scarfed down some fries. LOL. We also found our next fancy eat out spot merely by accident. It's called Copeland's and its an upscale New Orlean's style restaurant, kind of like Pappadeaux's, but a little dressier. OMG the food was so good. Now mind you we only got an appetizer plate of buffalo wings and 2 drinks, but from just that little bit we decided that we would definitely be back. Sunday we went to get our boy, and we just spent some time together as a family. It was a very nice weekend.
Labels: 101 reasons why I love my husband, Family, Holidays, Husband
Posted by ME at 9:37 AM
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Sunday, October 28, 2007
A question
When you get married and start a family of your own, with whom do your responsibilities lie, your new husband/wife and children, or your parents? Check back next sunday for my very detailed answer...
Oh yeah, and I really wanna know what you think, leave your answers in the comments.
Labels: confessions, Family, Husband, Mommy-hood
Posted by ME at 8:52 PM
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Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Another friendship...?
Why do I adjust who I am and what I want for the needs of others? Why do I ignore my own happiness for the sake of others? Why do I put my family on the line to help people feel better of about the dissolvement of theirs?
Over the past few months I have been talking to a friend, whose marriage, unlike mine, has begun to dissolve. I felt really bad for him at first and figured that I would talk to him, after years of not talking, because at a hard time in someone's life, they always need someone to talk to. After a while I started remembering why we became such good friends back in the day. I realized that i actually liked talking to him, and my long days were no longer filled with so much loneliness because we would stay on the phone for hours. After awhile we began talking about very personal things, life, love, and happiness, and how we felt that both of our lives were lacking at least one of those. Our friendship was cemented upon that fact and the love that we had for eachother. After awhile I suppose our friendship was getting too strong. It scared me and delighted me all at the same time. While I know it was wrong of me to strike up a close friendship with a man who was not my husband, it just felt so damn good to have someone in my life that I knew loved me, WANTED to talk to me, and spend time on the phone with me, and tell me wonderful things about myself. I am also pretty sure that the support and company he gave me at the time was probably only setting to further the divide that I was finding between my husband and myself.
This friends of mine however is a very judgemental and sensitive person. and I felt myself pissing him off alot. I always seemed to be begging him to talk to me, to make me happy, and I gave up my dignity more than once in the past few months just to have someone to talk to me and make me feel like I was worth something. Last night somehow I did the same thing I always do. I made him mad and I still have no idea what the hell I did. He has refused to talk to me all day and I decided that this time would be different. I will not call him. I will not beg him back just so I can know that someone in my life actually cares how i feel. I will not call him. I will leave it up to him. If he wants me in his life then he will come back, and he will say so...
Labels: confessions, friends, Husband
Posted by ME at 1:07 PM
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Sunday, October 7, 2007
Hey, hey, hey...
Well, my weekend was extremely uneventful. As you may or may not know, my son still has yet to walk...At 13 months this can be a bit embarrassing when everyone else around him is walking, but the one thing I just keep telling people is that he can walk, he just chooses not to. I get nodded heads and looks of sympathy, but I just try to laugh them off...Today it was proven to my MIL that he can in fact stand up unassisted. Even after I told her time and time again that he could do it...she still seemed so surprised that he could....i wonder what that means???
Labels: Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 8:34 PM
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Friday, October 5, 2007
I want to be nominated...
I have just realized that if I were a celebrity, I would be a Z-lister. I feel like if I didn't have P no one in my life would still be here, or even care about me. Maybe its a disorder, maybe its just my conceitedness coming out, but for some strange reason, I want to be some one's entire universe. I want to be that girl from the loves stories, and the romance movies that has the man in her life that would do anything to make her happy. I want to be the woman in the dramas whose friends would absolutely die if she was gone, and I wanna be that girl in the comedies who is always the life of the party, and even though shes a little weird, and imperfect they all still love her and laugh at her jokes. I DO NOT want to be the girl in the scary movies who gets killed. Sadly, or luckily in some cases, life isn't a movie stage, and at some time we all have to understand that we are not the stars, not even of our own shows. So, should I just be OK with being the costar in my marriage, in my family, in my friendships, or should I do something about it. Make myself #1? How? My husband could care less about me on any daily basis, he would rather play that game than even have sex with me. My BFF Amber no longer needs my companionship and love. She has Maegan, and we rarely even talk anymore. And, now, the one person who actually needed me. For whatever reasons there were, Christopher needed me in his life. Now however, he has a new girlfriend. He doesn't need me in his life anymore. I am soooo sad. I will try to get over it, and deal with it the best I can. Hell, if i have to be a supporting actress...I'm gettin an Emmy for it.
Labels: confessions, Family, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 10:30 PM
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Sunday, September 30, 2007
My bad birthday update
Sooo...yesterday was my birthday and I am gonna assume you all want an update....Well, let me start at te beginning. I woke up at like 8:30 am to my husband running out of the house. Me and the baby hung out and relaxed all day. Husband called me to tell me that he had spent some ungodly amount of money on new tires. This money just also happened to include the money that was suppose to be used for my birthday. I was sad and I shed some tears and all, but over all I was ok. So then husband comes home at like 5 o'clock. We went out and got some taco bell, instead of going out to a restaurant like we had planned, and came home and just stayed at home for the rest of the night. I got a call from my dad that night and one from my mom also. Basically, my birthday sucked...I hope next year will be better. If husband wants to make this up to me he will do something wonderful for our 3 year (dating) anniversary. October 12th baby, don't forget.
Labels: Family, Holidays, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 9:48 AM
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Monday, September 24, 2007
Bad News
Wowzers, My husband just called me and told me that he was working with his uncle this Saturday so he could make some extra money for my birthday. This is very cool because now we can go out to dinner or something, but the one thing that he forgot is that this Saturday is my birthday. Yep, you got it right, my husband will be out working on my birthday. The funny part is that he actually started arguing with me when I told him that Saturday was my birthday. I guess it's ok. I'm a big girl, and I'll be able to spend the day with my best friend in the whole world anyway...My boy. It is just kinda sad, but I guess its true what they say, as you grow up, people stop caring about your birthday. I'm gonna go cry now......TTYL
Labels: Holidays, Husband, Mommy-hood
Posted by ME at 10:51 AM
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Tuesday, September 4, 2007
update
Well, Well, Well.....
What's new this week...
~My baby boy is 1
~ I'm not going to be having a baby
~Probably not for a long time
Let me take a second to explain...
My son turned 1 on September 1, 2007. I was happy but damn, this means my boy is really growing up, and there's no way to stop it. I love him so much its ridiculous, and for his 1st b-day I decided to engage in a long standing tradition and buy him a gold bracelet for his b-day. He's actually doing alot better with it then I thought he would, I guess thats one sign of being a big boy huh?
I found out one day last week that my baby was no longer viable. The doctor's said that it had stopped forming at about 4-6 weeks. I think I'm ok with this, but now I have to go and have a procedure to remove the fetus since my body doesnt seem to want to expel the baby on its own, I guess its kinda strange, I don't want to let go of the thought that I could be a mommy again, and my body is holding on just as tight. It hurts to know this, but i guess I will be ok. I mean everything happens for a reason right?
This whole baby thing has led me to rethink my child plans. I really want to be able to go back to school and do that whole thing, and I was trying to think about how I could do it all and be a good mommy. I think I'm gonna get some type of a long term bc. Kinda like mirena or something like that. I love my boy, but I cant put mybody through this again, especially if I am not ready.
Other than that, I suppose life is ok. I have been really sad lately, and I guess its because f this whole baby thing and the hormones going crazy because it isnt a regular pregnancy, but I hate feeling like this, they also say that after the whole procedure this feeling may just get worse. I don't know if I can handle this. Well, I guess I'm gonna go get in the bed now. I feel crappy. I'll ttyl.
Labels: Family, Grandpa, Husband, Mommy-hood, P
Posted by ME at 9:18 PM
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Friday, August 10, 2007
Good news :) ??? Or Bad news :( ???
Well...today i took a pregnancy test and it was revealed that your favorite mommy blogger is once again pregnant...I don't know how to feel...Husband and I had always stated that we would begin TRYING to have another baby after P turned 2 or after he became potty trained. I guess on the other hand we should feel blessed. There are people out there who try and try for years to get pregnant, and never succeed, and the fact that i have succeeded 2 times in 2 years to get pregnant and never trying (even after being told that i wouldn't be able to have children) is a godsend.
Well, I guess you all want to know the details of the pregnancy...so here goes...
Date of conception: June 22, 2007
Due Date: April 13, 2007
And I consulted the Chinese Gender Calendar to find the sex, so far this Calendar has a 6/6 record, it said the sex would be: GIRL!!!
Wanna hear 3 things that I think are pretty funny??? ok cool...
1. When we were in Bluefield for the funeral we found out that my 2 other family members are both pregnant, and mommy says someone else is pregnant, these kinds of things happen in threes, she then looked at me...NOT ME I yelled...then we found out that my other cousin was pregnant...i thought i was scott free...but apparently these things happen in fours in my family.
2. Around the time I got pregnant before Husband's uncles were teasing me saying...you are pregnant...watch, you are pregnant. This was before I was even pregnant so it was obviously nonsense...On Husband's father's b-day July 17 one of those uncles, out of the blue says...You are pregnant...Overall he seems to be a bit early...but he's 2/2.
3. Both times I found out i was pregnant they were on football days. And after finding out, Husband left me at home alone to go watch football. The 1st time it was during the superbowl, and this time it was the Atlanta Falcons 1st game of the pre season. Also, both times, the team Husband is going for loses...
Labels: confessions, Husband, Mommy-hood
Posted by ME at 2:57 PM
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Sunday, August 5, 2007
So this is why I keep him around...
You know...you never realize just how much you love someone and how much you depend on hem until you don't have them there...I now know...I love Husband with everything that I am, I spent less than a week away from him and both me and the boy missed him like crazy...I haven't been away from him for more than a few hours since before I was preggo...and if he ever gets it into his head that he doesn't want to be daddy, hsband, confidant, best friend, etc. anymore, then I am screwed.
Labels: Husband
