Friday, December 12, 2008

Dear you...

I miss you, a lot...and it was nice hearing your voice. I know my email may have seemed weird coming when it did, but I'd been thinking about you a lot, and when i told my hubby how much i missed you, he told me that i should send you a final e-mail to say goodbye..that's what that was, but that phone call recently, screwed me up. I cant stop thinking about you, and i wish i could remember why we are where we are in the first place. Its strange that when i think of you i get about 500 different emotions, but i guess that's what history does to you. Just last night I told my friend that we weren't talking anymore, and she said "again, you two keep going back and forth," and i realized, as i tried to justify why we were mad at each other, that she was right, we go through months of not talking, and then we are back again, inseparable. i know that you will probably never read this, and you probably dont even care whats going on in my head, thats the main difference between us...i care, you never do, but i want you to know that even though we may never become what movies say we should, i do love you, i do miss you, and i do think about you...every...damn...day!!!!

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Posted by ME at 7:08 PM

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Monday, October 22, 2007

Dear you #4

I miss it like it used to be. I miss being able to talk to you when ever I wanted to. Now its so much different, after one conversation this has gotten so much harder than it should be. You tell me about random emails and letters that allude to undying love and satisfying sex, and they actually hurt me in my soul. We've been friends again for awhile now, and all of a sudden these true colors are showing. It makes me wanna cry and feel like now I have to say goodbye to what we once had. But I've known all along that in time things must change, so it shouldn't be so bad. So why do I feel so sad?

How can I adjust to the way that things are going when it's killing me slowly and I just want it to be how it used to be. You cannot hide the way you feel inside, I realize your actions speak much louder than words. But then tell me why we have to live like this.

**quotes Alicia Keys-Why do I feel so sad**

If you want anymore, listen to our song...you know, the one by Beyonce.

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Posted by ME at 9:48 PM

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Thursday, September 20, 2007

Dear You...

Why are you saying that all of a sudden you can't talk to me? We have a wonderful friendship, and when all feelings are put aside, we can be wonderful friends. Life isn't always what we want it to be, and it doesn't always end up the way we want it to. I just feel like we had our chance. I love you and I always have, and I always will, but that is as far as it can go. I love him, I care about him, I kiss him, I touch him, I make love to him, i go to sleep and wake up next to him every day and he means the world to me. I don't see you as a threat to my relationship and my happiness because I feel like the only reason why you are reaching out to me is because you are hurting. The second you realize and admit that she hurt you, then things will fall into place. Back in the day, when we had problems you would run to her, and when you two had problems, you came right back to me. I want to tell you that times have changed and you can't handle adult-sized problems with high school sized solutions. No matter how fun and easy it would be. I am happy, and I only want you to be happy also. You say that you can't be happy without me, but four years have passed, and if you have not committed suicide yet, then I doubt life was all that horrible without me. Like I said, I want you to be happy, and if there is anything else I can do aside from leaving everything I know, then I will give it my all. But if the question you want to ask and request is that which i cannot give, then there is your answer. Be happy, with me in your life, without me in your life, do what you feel you must to wake up smiling everyday. I just want your life to be magically, ridiculously happy...



Love,

With deepest regrets,

Sincerely,...ME!!!

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Posted by ME at 8:33 PM

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Friday, September 7, 2007

Dear You,

I love you. I love you so much and I wish we could have made this entire journey together. I know it would have been hard for both of us but we could have done it. I am going to make a small promise to you if you can return the promise. I promise that when the time is right for both of us we will be back together. We will make this journey. It's not that long, we could do it. One more thing. I promise you that if you can make your little heart beat for 9 months, and grow your little body for 9 months, I will nourish you for 9 months, and I will love you forever. I don't know if its my fault why everything happened, I know that it might not be, but as your mommy I have to put a little bit of blame onto myself. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Love,
Your Future Mommy

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Posted by ME at 9:05 PM

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Friday, June 8, 2007

DEAR YOU #2

Dear you...
I miss you. I haven't spoken to you in a long time, and this bothers me. I really miss you. Are you mad at me. I send out my requests and you never answer. This feeling is unnatural. I shouldn't feel like this about anyone. But I do. You see, that's the problem. I do feel this way about someone. The guy I lost my virginity to, my 1st love, my 1st real boyfriend, my husband, and honestly, that's where it should end...but now you have also been added to this group. WTH? Leave me alone. Leave my life, and my mind. Leave my heart, and leave from my desires. Just leave me alone. I say that, but i don't mean it, I delete you, but I add you. I need you, but I hate you. I feel your fingers on my body, but I want to slap your face. I feel your lips on my lips, but I want to bite you. I miss you, and I need you, but I know, I know you...I know your life, I know you. I know you would only disappoint me. I know that you would probably hurt me. I love my husband, and I'm not willing to waste what we have for you. I know that nothing you could offer me would help me or make me happy or give me what i already have................................But then.......why do I feel this way?

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Posted by ME at 9:21 AM

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Saturday, June 2, 2007

Dear you (#1)

I got this idea from the BER, she does it on her crazy-peoples board, and I thought it was a pretty good idea. So here goes...

Dear You,
I love you. When we started talking I did not truly know how to show you, and I know now that some of my methods are still pretty crude. I just wish that sometimes life was easier, that sometimes it was more cut and dry, more black and white. Either I love you or I don't, either you make me happy or you don't. Luckily, the majority of the time it is not the latter. Ou make me happier than I ever was before you, and I can't imagine life after you. I try not to talk to you when you mak me mad or hurt my feelings, but my heart aches with desire and I get to the point that just need to see your face, that I just need to see your smile, Once I look at you, my heart tells my mind to put my pride aside. I smile as I imagine you smile, you smile as you imagine me smile. You tell me you love me, and I tell you I love you too. I just hope that nothing else ever stands in our way. I hope that these past 3 years aren't all we had, and that for the next 30, 60, 90 I can always have you beside me. To look at me and tell me you love me, and can say....

***I love you too***
ME

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Posted by ME at 11:39 PM

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