Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Amixedupandjumbledbitofemotions

wow,Idon'tknowhowtofeelrightnnow,mybestfriendjusttoldmeahugebitofinformation.IhavewrittenaboutthisBeckybefore,butIneverfeltasthreatenedasIdonow.IloveherlikeIhaveneverlovedanyoneelse.Likeshewasmysister.ThisBeckychickcameinandifeltabitthreatened,butnotenoughtoreallygetworried,shealwaystoldmethatBeckywasjustannoyingandthatwhenevershewantedtohangupBeckyneverdid.ShealwaysmadeitseemlikeBeckywasholdingherhostage,likeshewasrobbingbanks,andtakingheralongfortheride.NowIamfindingoutthatnotonlywassheahostaealongfortheride,shewouldgetinthecarwillingly,buckletheseatbelt,andreadthemap.

AlotofyoumaywonderwhatthehellIamtalkingabout,buttoanyonewhohastoaskthatquestion,thispostisnotforyou,onlyforthosewhoknowwhatitmeans...me,her...andperhapstheother.Ihaveletoutmyemotionsforheralittlebitbefore.Ithinksheisabeautifulwoman,shehasawonderfulheart,andabeautifulsoul.Ithinksheistrulybeautifulinsideandout.Asamatteroffact,Ihaveoftenfoundmyselfthinkingaboutherlateatnight.Ioncepostedthatshewassooooonotmytype,anditreallybotheredher,thethingisthatitwasnttrue.Sheisntmytype,Ididntlieaboutthat,butthatdoesntmeanthatiwouldntlovetolienexttoher,whenshewasgoingthrougheverythingwithherassofahusband,iwantedtobethertoholdher.IhadtolistentoherconstantlytalkaboutotherwomenandIhadtojustholdmytongue.Itjustseemedthatonebyonethesewomenalwaysjustfizzledoutofherlife,andlo,Iwastheoneconstantthatremained.IloveherandIwanttobethereforherwhennooneelsewill.ButhowdoIswallowmyjealousfeelingstowardherandthisotherwoman,whenIdon'tevenknowexactlywhatitisthatIamfeeling?

IguessIshouldjustbehappywithoutfriendlyfriendship,andgetovermyowninsecurities.IshouldbehappythatwheneverBeckyfizzlesoutofherlife,whichsheisboundto,thatIwillstillbethere.Iguessmytruefeelingscomefromknowingthatsheliedtomeforsolong,thatshetoldmethathisgirlwassounimportanttoherthatIreallyhadnothingtoworryabout,yetandstill,theyplannedtolivetogether,theyplannedtotalktogetherallnight,andnow,theyplantosleeptogether.Iamsoconfused,andhurt,andbetrayed,andupset,andetc...thatIjustdon'tknowwhattodoaboutit...

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Posted by ME at 8:11 PM

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