Thursday, July 12, 2007

Why???

Today I heard that my little brother was shot. My little sister called me and told me. Neither of them are my real siblings, but my mom took them in and we were all raised as siblings. They are half-siblings, and they are my cousins. They came to live with me when their mom, my aunt went to prison. I know...its confusing, but sadly the way many families are made now-a-days.

Anyway, I heard that he got shot tonight when my sister called me in hysterics, and she said the words, "he might not make it." While it scared me a bit to know that someone that close to me had died, I am scared and ashamed to admit that there was a small part of me that felt nothing. I'm sure it wasnt joy, but it also wasnt sadness. I have only had one other person that I knew die, that was my uncle, and it hurt me. It hurt me to the core. I lovedmy uncle, I adored him. I love my brother, but the last time I saw or spoke to him, we got into a huge fight, not an argument, but something that almost became physical, to thepoint where my husband had to jump in between us to stop us from coming to blows. And the last time I heard anything from him, it was that he took the picture of my son, that I had sent him as a peace offering, and tried to rip it in half, and he said that my husband better be happy he didn't shoot him for getting in his business that night, and if it ever happens again that he will shoot him. This was the last day of a 2 week long stay.

We had never had a great relationship, but it was never that bad. Since then I heard from a few people that he wanted to apoligize but that he wanted me to call him. I refused because I feel that while it may have been bad to fight with him, I can not just forget what he said about my husband. I have refused to call him but I told the people to tell him that he could call me, he hasn't.

Maybe that why I didn't feel overly sad, or hurt when I got tha news. The thing that puzzles me is knowing th when this happens to other people they always say, "i wish I could have said bye", or "the last thing i said to him was that i hated him" while drowning in tears, why did I not feel like this? Why was I not sad, or crying, or regretful? I don't know, but about 20 minutes after I got the initial call, I got another call saying that he was ok...so I guess I'll never know.

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Posted by ME at 11:41 PM

c0mments!
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