Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Family and Friendship...I guess I have to choose one

Well, today was my husband's 22nd birthday, and it was rather uneventful. We spent the day on the phone until his phone died...and then he came home and we got into a small "disagreement" about who would change the baby. I lost...and then i made him take the baby so I could get a quick nap. I fell asleep and apparently so did the boy, and when we woke up it was time to go out for dinner. We went to this great all you can eat place where they have my 2 favorites, crab legs, and sushi. Sadly, today they only had the crab legs, and everyone seemed to be all over them. One the third batch I finally got some, and I must say, they were good. Then we got home, watched TV (cause I am so freakin sick of watching him play that damn game), nooked, and now, I am trying to write in the blog with the boy screaming... and he is...yep...you guessed it, hes playing that damn game. Well, one good thing about not having Internet or cable for the past few days is that we were able to really reconnect while actually having to sit next to each other, instead of being across the room trying to talk between words typed or levels won. I also beat the need for speed game...with his help of course.

On another note, I have been feeling super neglected. My bff has found herself a new bff. I know that sounds super high school, but its how I feel. When you already have issues with feeling needed and someone is truly your only friend, when they are taken away it is really hard to just go on with life. The time we talk has gotten less and less to the point where I had to get used to just not talking to her for a day or so. I think that I have gotten so comfortable with it now, and filled my life with other things to keep myself from getting that empty feeling, that when she does call me, I just don't really have the time for her, this has led to a bunch of "I'll call you backs" and anyone who knows me knows that I have a horrible memory. This has made her mad at me, and it has made me bitter that she is mad at me, so its not getting any better. Now while I do understand that this other woman needs her at this time in he life, we'll call her Becky. So Becky really needs her support right now because surprisingly they are going through the same things at about the same time. I know that when I was going through a lot of things my bff was there for me, and that just talking to her made me feel better, and for that reason I would feel selfish in asking her to stop talking to Becky when she is providing the same service to her. In another sense though, I just feel like I can't compare to Becky. They have a lot to talk about. She is the center of Becky's world, and I am just a bystander. They are even planning on moving in together. Already Becky has given her more gifts in their short amount of time talking, then I have in our entire friendship (technically, I think more than 6 years on and off). I just wonder should I just step down, step out of the picture and let him have each other. I feel like a jealous girlfriend always asking what they talked about and wanting to snub her when she evens mentions Becky's name. I know that the friendship that I can offer can not compare to the friendship that Becky can. The thing is...I would...I would step down and bow out gracefully, but I just cant. I love my bff, and I need her in my life. Rejuvenating our friendship after so long was like a cool glass of water on a hot summers day. I needed her at that time, and she stepped in, and my life hasn't been the same since. I know that this whole post may sound a little lezzyish, but hey, what can I say. One night we talked about how best friends can sometimes incur fantasies of long living relationships with the same sex. It may sound strange, but I could see that in my BFF. I am not attracted to her in the sense that she is soooooooo not my type, but I feel so comfortable with her that I could actually see something there. It would never happen though, for more than one reason, One, is stated above, and two, I wouldn't want to mess up what we have/had. So, back to my original idea...do you think I should just step down, step out and let them be happy? Should I just continue to be the by standing best friend, and just be there for her when she needs me, even though she can't always be there for me when I need her (because of her obligations to Becky? Or should I obey my selfish motives, and reclaim her all to myself? I just don't know what to do. I want my best friend back.

Perhaps I'll just pull a Bush, I'll strike when this Becky least expects it, maybe when shes in the loo or whatever, and come in and take my Bff back. This will however begin a long standing war with a more than worthy opponent and I am afraid I will end up like the Iraqis, Throwing rocks and stones, blowing myself up in doorways and buildings to show that I mean business. Becky will run into my town, burn my AMO (Bff initials) flag, and pull down my BFF statue in the middle of my city. This will inevitably cause the prices of oil to rise, and everyone will hate me even more than they did in the beginning. Well, maybe she wont know what she is fighting for...yeah right, one can only hope. Well, the boy has started crying, and my bed is calling...I'll ttyl. goodnight.

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Posted by ME at 6:59 PM

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