Tuesday, September 4, 2007

update

Well, Well, Well.....
What's new this week...

~My baby boy is 1
~ I'm not going to be having a baby
~Probably not for a long time

Let me take a second to explain...

My son turned 1 on September 1, 2007. I was happy but damn, this means my boy is really growing up, and there's no way to stop it. I love him so much its ridiculous, and for his 1st b-day I decided to engage in a long standing tradition and buy him a gold bracelet for his b-day. He's actually doing alot better with it then I thought he would, I guess thats one sign of being a big boy huh?

I found out one day last week that my baby was no longer viable. The doctor's said that it had stopped forming at about 4-6 weeks. I think I'm ok with this, but now I have to go and have a procedure to remove the fetus since my body doesnt seem to want to expel the baby on its own, I guess its kinda strange, I don't want to let go of the thought that I could be a mommy again, and my body is holding on just as tight. It hurts to know this, but i guess I will be ok. I mean everything happens for a reason right?

This whole baby thing has led me to rethink my child plans. I really want to be able to go back to school and do that whole thing, and I was trying to think about how I could do it all and be a good mommy. I think I'm gonna get some type of a long term bc. Kinda like mirena or something like that. I love my boy, but I cant put mybody through this again, especially if I am not ready.

Other than that, I suppose life is ok. I have been really sad lately, and I guess its because f this whole baby thing and the hormones going crazy because it isnt a regular pregnancy, but I hate feeling like this, they also say that after the whole procedure this feeling may just get worse. I don't know if I can handle this. Well, I guess I'm gonna go get in the bed now. I feel crappy. I'll ttyl.

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Posted by ME at 9:18 PM

c0mments!
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